Feeling not so 'spiritual'

Spiritual people can’t be envious and jealous, right? Wrong. Having incorporated the elements of the F**k It! philosophy into my life since going on the F**k It! retreat in Italy last month (see previous post), I can start to see some anxiety and craving creeping back into my head already. Mostly in the form of thinking I ought to be doing more creatively, getting on with writing the book I have been mulling over for the past two years, and achieving more. But why? The Happiness At Work book I have also been mentioning, including in the most recent blog, gets you to really examine why you do things and what brings lasting happiness (tip: nothing brings you lasting happiness, at least nothing material). So why do I keep feeling the need to add to my list of things to do and achieve? I know what it is… jealousy. I know, very ‘unspiritual’ to admit to that, but you know what, having spent all morning not relaxing as I intended to do but instead surfing the net reading print journalism articles and things related to my career, rather than feeling empowered I am feeling, well, envious of all the other ‘great’ jobs other people are doing and what they have achieved. But why? I happen to be in the position (which to others is no doubt enviable) of loving my job and deriving great satisfaction from it. But I can’t help but hear a nagging little voice coming from somewhere inside, that – when I read about other people on other magazines, or with burgeoning careers as authors – makes me think that I wish I was them. How ludicrous! Where does this come from? It’s certainly not productive, and it’s this constant need for approval and accomplishment that drives people to become work-aholics.

And so I guess I am finding the F**k It! philosophy a little hard today – despite having read numerous article and books during the week that tell you quite plainly that nothing material can bring lasting happiness, all achievements will one day be history, and that actually, relaxing and thinking positively are in fact the best ways to achieve what you want, rather than feeling bad for not having done more already and thereby attracting more feelings of lack.
It’s all a learning curve I suppose, this being human; one minute having a profound spiritual experience of ‘oneness’ while on a walk in the park, to the next feeling slightly inadequate and comparing oneself (OK, Myself) to others and not in a favourable way at that.

So, I think that after posting this I will stop reading online, stop beating myself over the head – albeit lightly – and just lie on the sofa and do some circular breathing to get back into my body and out of my busy head – very much in the style of F**k It!