Stressed mind = tense body

So, following on from Damian's advice yesterday, just how successful was I at 'doing nothing and spending the day treating myself'?
Not very. :-(

It started well, watching Strictly, then I did lay on the couch reading - and had a little snooze - but I just couldn't stop myself doing some admin things, namely sorting out the notes on my phone so I can transfer them to my computer - it has to be done at some point so why not now, I figured? - and sitting planning out , in my mind, how I'm going to write one of my books. I kept returning to The Celestine Prophesy, but to no avail - the thoughts would not leave my head about how I needed to do ABC, and XY and Z, in order to get my writing career off the ground, going in circles from one book idea to the next. All this was NOT what Damian told me to do, which makes me wonder: am I incapable of just spending a lazy Sunday afternoon by myself without feeling bad about not being productive? Seems so.

Addicted to busy-ness
I've experienced this before; anytime I've had a weekend with no plans, which has been rare for the past 12 months what with all my to-ing and fro-ing to London for numerous dance rehearsals ans performances, I've not been able switch off and relax. If I'm at home I feel like I need to be doing something useful, like sorting out my wardrobe, typing up my mound of receipts so I can see exactly how much I've blown the budget for yet another month in a row, or, to come back to my previous example, writing my damn book! Though I love doing nothing, it does give me too much time to sit and think; time in which I often get flooded with thoughts of 'why have you not yet accomplished this? Why did you not do that  last week, month, year? blah blah blah'. this is what Damian had to say: "The point of treating yourself is to relax and enjoy your own company. If you can't 'do' that, this is where the problem/block lies. This is where your work need to be done, on learning to relax, doing nothing - it's a nice 'problem' to have!"
I'm just not sure I'm capable of that though! On the one hand, though I tired myself out this year with so many commitments each weekend and many week nights, it made me feel great because I was so active and always doing something. Now that's stopped, the lack of constant activity makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, as if it was masking something deeper. Robert Holden http://www.robertholden.org has a great calendar that I have on my desk at work, which reminds you that being busy does not always equal success. Each day the insightful quotes remind me to question what success really means to me, and that being busy keep us from enjoying life. The irony is, I read them, take about ten seconds to reflect on the wisdom, then get stuck into my day because I'm just too busy to fully appreciate what he's getting at. Funny that.

The pain of holding on
Another phenomena I've noticed over the past couple of months is a painful spine - right in the middle and in between my vertebrae. it hurts when I bend forward, especially when I wake up in the morning, or if I attempt to do cobra pose in yoga. Even sitting back against a chair hurts! The reason could be the drops and lifts I did in salsa, or lugging a metal wheel on my back during the Olympics ceremony, or, it could be poor diet (I read eating too much sugar can cause aches and pains, and my back was miraculously better last year when I gave up sugar for 5 weeks), or perhaps, as Louise Hay, queen of affirmations, would say, it's because I'm holding too much tension and too much 'stuff' including regrets for the past. I often find myself with shoulders hunched up around my ears when I'm lost in a negative train of thought, or tensing my back, glutes and legs.
Maybe relaxing and 'lifting up the oars' to drift down the river, as Damian advised in the previous post, really is what I need to do. I can't see that ever happening at work, so my only hope is in my leisure time. Now, if only I could just switch my brain off...