How to become more powerful, wise and courageous as you grow older

Since I wrote my post in April about positive representations of people over 50 in the media ('Why ageing is optional') I've been seeing more and more examples – the latest Amazon Prime advert, for example, of the older couple in the garden. Although it may start out with the man having a bad back while pushing his granddaughter on the swing, it ends with him having a blast – quite literally! (see below)

But the main thing I wanted to talk about was the fantastic ITV documentary at the beginning of June, Secrets of Growing Old. (there are still 14 days left to watch it on ITV catch up, which I highly recommend you do: Secrets of Growing Old) 

It documents how at least one baby born this year will likely reach 150. Scientists think that 1 in 5 of us will live to be a hundred. Also, that a staggering 80 per cent of the way we age is down to how we choose to live our lives: there's that element of choice again. 

NO LIMITS: Dilys Price, now 83, who started skydiving in in her 50s

From start to finish there was not one bad thing said about reaching your mature years. If anything, the interviewees, all of whom were in their 80s or 90s, said their lives were fuller and richer now than they had been growing up.

Feeling freer to be truthful was one advantage, they said, which is a trait shared with young children.
Being able to give things a go and not worry what other people thought was another. I know growing up I was painfully shy and fearful of embarrassing myself in front of anyone. There were things I wanted to that I just never considered possible, so kept them as hobbies. 

I actually shed a tear watching 83-year-old Dills Price jumping out of a plane and loving it. Not that I feel particularly inclined to sky dive, but what it represented – breaking through her fears – really moved me.  At age 50, when her joints began to ache, she thought that proved the beginning of the end. Instead of giving in she turned daredevil and is now the world’s oldest skydiver. That's the kind of bravery I wish I'd had in my 20s when I was too preoccupied with trying to get everything right - the career, the house, the boyfriend etc - and not upset anyone. But this documentary shows it's never too late to step into your own power and live a life you love. 

Skydiver Dilys recalls: “In my middle age I thought life was very difficult and hard. I remember when I was 50 thinking ‘Is this life? Is this the beginning of the end?’. My knees were stiffer, I didn’t feel very happy. Then I thought ‘If my knees hurt, I must live a life through my head’. Oddly enough, as I thought that, my knees got better.”

Of her first skydiving experience, Dilys remembers: “I was terrified, I could see the ground and was thinking ‘What a mistake. This is death’. It’s unnatural, you shouldn’t be doing it. Then the next moment I thought ‘Wow, I’m flying’ and it was wonderful. As far as I’m concerned, I’m just Dilys doing whatever excites me. Now I’m the oldest woman in the world skydiving. It’s great.”

96-year-old Charles Eugster was overweight and unfit in middle age but has now transformed his body – by being active he’s actually keeping himself young on the inside and now has the body of a man 30 years younger.

“One of my saving graces is the fact that I am extremely vain and it was vanity that spurred me to do something because I wanted to have a good body,” said Charles. 

So he began to build himself a body to turn heads, still working out three times a week. He says: “I am absolutely convinced, if we wanted, any one of us could have a beach body at 90.”

Charles has kept so strong that he’s broken two world athletics records. “My body has completely been rebuilt. Ageing is the most wonderful thing that could happen to anybody.”

Being a model in her 80s
And while many women try to battle the effects of ageing, 83-year-old fashion model Frances Dunscombe is turning them to her advantage. She’s fiercely proud of both her grey hair and her wrinkles. In fact, it’s these very characteristics that have made her such a popular model, and put her on the catwalk at London Fashion week.

Frances admits: “I don’t think I ever appreciated myself before. I was very insecure. It’s the insecurities of youth that prevent young people from realising their potential.” I completely agree. 

The documentary also explores how some people don’t reach the top of their game until they’re well into their 70s - this is when our brains make new connections, opening up fresh, creative ways of thinking. 
It’s the reason Gay McIntyre at 82 has only recently become so brilliant at jazz improvisation. It also helps explain why leading perfumer, 88 year-old John Bailey is able to marry up his logical and creative abilities in ways he never could before.  

The upshot is these inspiring people all concur that they worry less about what people think of them, and are happier than ever before. Please do watch this incredible documentary while it's still available. Secrets of Growing Old

Why older is better (mostly)

Just been to see Skyfall, the latest Bond film (if that's not stating the obvious - it's been impossible to ignore after all). I understand why it's being lauded so much. For a start, hats off to Javier Bardem for his eerily creepy bad guy - the blonde hair! - and for the writers staging it primarily in London and Scotland - a ploy to attract even more tourists? Or to add one more GB triumph to what has already become a truly British year all round, what with the incredible Olympics (did I mention I was in the closing ceremony? sorry, can't help bringing it up at every opportunity).

Maturing - like a fine wine
But the part of the film that most caught my attention was the theme of growing older, especially at the start, with plenty of mentions about Bond's age - DC certainly looked rather more 'weather worn' to put it politely, than in previous films. But the underlying message was that he may be older, but yet he was wiser and most certainly not out of the game. There were jibes about him being past it, only emphasised by the young new 'Q' played by a techie geek decades his junior. And though this was perhaps to be expected, what I liked were the reminders from his young female accomplice about 'old dog, new tricks' and 'old ways being the best', which emphasised that age does not stop you being the best in the world and good at your job.

Culture that values youth
I bring this up because it always saddens me when I read about people ousted from their jobs because of their age. I know this is hardly news, and has been going on since its inception, but the BBC has a reputation for firing it's older, and very accomplished, presenters. To use a dancing reference - of course, as I love it - Strictly came under fire for getting rid of Arlene as a judge. Whether she chose to go or was coerced, I guess we will never know. But ageism is rife and we all know it. Whether it's overt or not, it pervades our Western society. I get sick of the Daily Mail website for the way it constantly panders to this hegemonic belief that women are 'past it' by a certain age and ought not make themselves visible (and if they do, God forbid they wear something 'inappropriate for their age' or do something 'improper'). I avoid reading the site at all costs but sometimes can't help it when a colleague sends me a relevant fitness or spiritual news story, which I check and then inevitably get sucked into reading all the other 'non-stories' for an hour or so, often only to end up depressed. Madonna, my hero and a very spiritual lady (if anyone bothered to actually listen to what she actually says), is always lambasted on that site for behaving in a manner 'not fit for a women in her fifties' according to the site.

Age has hidden gifts
My favourite spiritaul doctor Christiane Northrup, author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom (Piatkus), says in one of her lecture that as women we only really get into our stride in our sixties. That's when we really know ourselves, have decided not to put up with s**t from people anymore, and can create amazing things. Check out her work because it's truly inspiring (the talk I refer to is on the Hay House audio Inside-out Wellness with her and Dr Wayne Dyer. It's a few years old now but still good). She, or it could be Wayne, I forget, also mentions that the only reason the retirement age was brought in at 65 was because some European army general realised most of his most powerful enemies were above this age; so, by introducing the meme - a powerful, unconscious belief - that by the age of 65 you are past it, this general could stay in power. I wouldn't be surprised if this were true.

Mind = good; body, not so much 
The only thing I dislike about ageing is the fact my hair is turning grey and I'm getting lines around my eyes in such a quantity that it sometimes causes me distress. But that's just me being vain. The great thing about getting older is being able to learn from your mistakes and feeling more confident about who you are. Though I'd love to have my 20-year-old body back, I'd probably not choose to go back to that age because it would mean having to re-live the horror of my mid 20s (horror being a slight exaggeration) due to just not feeling confident about anything: my direction in life, my career, or lack thereof, my relationships - OK that last one is still a mystery a lot of the time. But still, age does bring wisdom; it brings grace, strength and depth. It should be revered, not hidden away out of sight to make way for the spring chickens all of the time.

Dancing to her own drum
I hope she won't mind me saying so, but Karen Ruimy (and I don't know her exact age) started her dance career later in life. Despite having danced as a young child, she ended up working in banking and earning mega bucks, but packed it all in to follow her calling and pursue her dream of being a poet, singer, writer and dancer on stage. Check out her website www.karenruimy.com; the blog is excellent and a must for anyone into dance, fashion, art, travel, architecture - actually she covers most things! She is just one person who is inspiring to me. Who says you have to be a certain age to do things? It's only a mindset that stops us from following our dreams. Louise Hay, a women who set up a publishing company in her 60s, says in her seminal book You Can Heal Your Life (Hay House - of course!), that a former client of hers wanted to get into commercials, and she was in her 70s. So Louise told her to go for it as there was 'no one else quite like you doing what you do' - and so the woman did get an agent and went on to successfully star in lots of TV ads.

Age not a barrier
So, let's not make age a barrier. I need to take my own advice here, for I'm often wishing I could turn back the clock and have done more dancing in my 20s, and not just consigned it to the hobby category. But I didn't. The past is gone. Nothing is stopping me from pursuing it now, especially as Karen Hardy invited me to her dance studio to have a one-to-one lesson with a pro (I actually had to go and jump up and down in the loos after the interview, as I could not contain my excitement!). All I need to do is get my achy back sorted. Well, as Bond discovers in this latest film, we may grow wiser and still 'have it' but the body does, inevitably, get a bit worn out...