Years later when I started delving into how events can affect us even early on in the womb, and about the spiritual practice of re-birthing (during my days editing the magazines Soul&Spirit) I began to wonder whether this early experience had had an impact on me throughout life. I've often been quite indecisive by nature and many times have worked up towards doing something exciting or big, only to get scared and back out at the last minute. It was usually only if someone else was involved in the process and was there to literally drag me through it, that I would proceed. This applied to job offers, houses/flats, and traveling. Was it too much of a stretch of the imagination to link my birth experience – not that I can actually remember any of it myself of course – to my later struggles? Or perhaps I was just trying to create an excuse for why I had so often failed to act when opportunities arose.
Back in July I went to see the wonderful craniosacral therapist Sheila Camino on Harley Street. It was for other health-related reasons but, quite unsurprisingly, during the treatment she said she could feel immense pressure on my head and asked me about my birth. When I said I'd had a forceps delivery she said she could energetically feel them squashing my skull. So, she talked me through a re-birthing process whereby the grown-up me reassured the tiny baby me that there was nothing to be afraid of and that the hold up was merely so the people on the outside could sort out a few things, and it was nothing to worry about. Then she got me to visualise myself coming down through the birth canal and easily out into the open into my mother's arms without any assistance. The amazing thing was that as she held my head in her hands I literally felt an energetic shift take place as if some sections of my skull where actually moving, a bit like tectonic plates that slide against each other. Afterwards I felt so incredible: light, free happy, and truly like I had been reborn. Also, a lump on the lower left side of the back of my skull, which has been there for as long as I can remember, had miraculously decreases in size, too. Sadly the positive effects started to wear off slightly after a month - perhaps due to stress - and some of the tension in my head and neck returned. However as I begin today and new year of my life, this experience came back to mine, and how we tell ourselves stories - often not very helpful ones. This story that how I was born may have affected my decision making is not helpful and is just limiting. The self-help giant Tony Robbins, author of numerous motivation and productivity books, says to get anything done in life, a big part of it comes down to the stories you tell, both to yourself and others. And if I'm totally honest, a lot of the tales I tell myself with regards to my past, present and future are not all that positive. For example, I quite often tell myself it's too late for me to do something I really want to do, and that I have missed the boat in some way. In my mind I replay events of the past and wonder why on earth I didn't do them differently - listening to the inner critic having a field day. But realistically, I couldn't have done many things different because I didn't have the right mindset back then either! I was often filled with self-doubt or fear, and you can't achieve great things from those emotional states.
My new year resolution
So, this year is the year I will tell myself that I can do things I still want to do. That I can join another dance group and that I am good enough (and that so what I didn't make it into a career). And, that I can write a book because what I have to say has value and worth. What's more, I am allowed to take time purely for me to pursue my creativity rather than feeling guilty for not always doing something productive at every moment. I will also endeavour to tell more positive stories about my past, focusing on the amazing things I have done and achieved rather than what I didn't do.
This morning I read a really great quote from the Abraham newsletter I receive daily. It was exactly what I needed to hear. It said that we humans often waste time thinking our ship has sailed so it's too late. But they say, 'There are lots more ships! Stop worrying about the one you missed and focus on the other ones coming towards you and choose to board one of those instead!' It sounds so simple yet is often hard to do. Nevertheless, it's better for us emotionally to believe there is still a chance and it is still worth pursuing our dreams, no matter how old we are. I certainly want to go on dancing into my 90s and who knows, maybe you'll see me competing on Britain's Got Talent (if it's still going in about 50 years, or some other version) and being like Paddy - if you haven't seen her inspiring dance, please check it out here. That's my idea of being an old lady!